A thing or two about bullying

Dear readers,

Recently I have discovered how bad bullying can affect someone's life. Well, I have never been bullied, so I have absolutely no idea what it feels like. And honestly, I have something very obvious that people can make fun of. I have a birthmark shaped as a cross on my forehead. Something more obvious is yet to be found, I think. Anyway, just saying, I don't know what it must be like.
My brother has been bullied for almost his whole life for a nasal voice... I don't think he has a funny voice and neither does anyone in the family. So now I'm actually writing this blog for him.
I think bullies are the one's with weaker personalities, they have to find something in someone else to make them feel alive, to prove a point. Isn't that sad? Isn't that the saddest thing you've ever heard? Having a strange, weird, funny, whatever voice, haircut, nose, ear, arm, leg, whatever, is not so sad as having a very weak personality.
Now, I have a quite strong personality, I think and I'm not going to lie, when I was just a little kid I have let me in with the bullies. I never bullied anyone myself, but I did walk along with those who did. For which I'm very very sorry and I know that was weak. When I grew up I understood that bullying really hurts the bullied.
My borther, now 22, is still wearing the scars of what was once told him. It's been almost 4 years now since he graduated. In high school the bullying got so bad that he had to leave school and study from home. It hurt him so bad that he even thought of comitting suicide. I knew back them that he had have these thoughts. I thought now he had moved on from the bullying, but apparently it leaves scars that never really heal. The slightest little spark can bring this feeling back. It hurts me very much that there's nothing I can really do, except from trying to talk to him. What I want to do is kick all those bullies in the guts, but that's not allowed. I'd wish I could go back to middle school and teach those guys a lesson. Let's face it, that's what big sisters are for, but apparently it never dawned on me back then. I'd wish I could learn my brother to be more proud of himself for what he is and not what he might sound like, because who cares??? My borther is a tall, handsome, very sweet guy and he deserves so much more than feeling miserable for what someone once told him and lingered. I'd wish I had some kind of magical power to make him see himself the way we do. Now he only sees what those guys way back then told him and that's not right. I'd wish I could give him some of my self confidence. I have more than enough, maybe even too much.
My brother, if you're reading this, I'm writing it all down, because I think that's the only way you might want to listen to me. Please don't do anything I wouldn't do. Please take a close look in the mirror and see yourself as a handsome young man full of life with the world ahead. I'm right there with you and I hope that you know that if you ever need me, I'll be there.

Bullying will never be banned out of this cruel world, but maybe everyone who reads this can start to make the world just that little bit better.

Thanks for reading.

 

Rehab

Hi guys,

Sorry it took me so long to write something here. I've been back in Belgium for a couple of weeks now and I'm still 'in rehab'. For one reason or another it's more difficult than I thought it would be. For instance I find the traffic here very very very busy in comparison to the traffic in Kos. Okay, in Greece people drive like mad men, but here it's soooo crowded. I feel like I never have enough space and I'm always in the way. It takes me a long time to get used to that again, but anyways now I can drive a 'real' car again, my lovely Jeep Wrangler.
Enough about traffic and cars, let's talk about real life. It takes a while to get used to the rhythm of home again. It still hurts that my wonderful dog, Viggo, isn't around anymore. Somehow I still one him to walk trough the door and all is back to normal. Especially the first 2-3 days it was very hard. Now it's getting easier, but I just keep thinking that I needed to be there for him when he wasn't feeling well... It came as a shock when I was still in Greece, but the shock was twice as hard when I got home, as I also thought it would be. Anyway, I'm still grieving and things will get better, but it will never be like it was before... I realize that now.
When I was in Greece I was working 6/7 and almost 10h a day. Now I'm back to doing absolutely nothing. Which is fun for a while, but it gets boring really easily. In December that will change, because I got offered a job at FLIR, so my old job. I'm going back there to replace my dear colleague who's responsible for Germany. So yes, I'll have to speak some German out there! ;) Good thing I have some time now to practice my German skills a little bit. I'm really excited and looking forward to it.
December 4, I will finally know where I'm headed next summer season. So I will work with FLIR until I have to leave for my next Thomas Cook destination. That's another thing I'm looking forward to!!! I so hope I can go to Italy!! Pray for me! ;)
After that next summer destination I will have to chose what to do with my life. I'm pretty sure I won't stay in Belgium. I have to, no, need to explore the rest of the world. The world is too big to stay just in one spot. I have a 'travel-bug' (most likely inherited that from my mum) and that bug needs some loving. ;) No, seriously, I have to look for a job somewhere around the globe and I'm pretty sure I'm going to find it. All it takes is some courage and a suitcase.
Don't get me wrong here, I would still miss my mum, brother, family and friends like crazy, but there are so many things to help us keep in touch and, come on, planes aren't invented to stay on the ground. :) I will definitely keep you posted on my whereabouts on time and in the meantime you can find me in Belgium.

To close of this blog I would like to share a song that really made me think about the decisions I have to make next year. My 'shoebox' is a large, beautiful white basket and all my memories are in there. Enjoy this beautiful song by Chris Young:

Lyrics: 

I stumbled on a bunch of junk of mine
In a shoebox the other night
In between cleaning up files and messes
That I'd made of my life

Ticket stubs, poems and old letters
I dumped them all out on the bed
Found a homemade birthday card from mom
And this is what it said, yeah, this is what it said

Don't forget the little moments
They're the ones that mean the most
When the way home seems so far away
Take 'em out and hold them close

And take a picture with your father
'Cause one day he'll be gone
And don't forget to fill an old shoebox
Full of things to look back on, full of things to look back on

I opened up my grandpa's pocket knife
And I was back to his back porch
It was summertime I was turnin' nine
He said, "You want that knife? It's yours"

I remember runnin' off in the yard
Carved my name in every tree
I haven't held it since he passed away
And it meant the world to me
Because he meant the world to me

Don't forget the little moments
They're the ones that mean the most
When the way home seems so far away
Take 'em out and hold them close
And take a picture with your father
'Cause one day he'll be gone
And don't forget to fill an old shoebox
Full of things to look back on

Look back on, a little window to the past
Look back on, God knows life goes by so fast
If ever you should ever doubt the blessings that you've had

Don't forget the little moments
They're the ones that mean the most
When the way home seems so far away
Take 'em out and hold them close

And take a picture with your father
'Cause one day he'll be gone
And don't forget to fill an old shoebox
Full of things to look back on

I stumbled on a bunch of junk of mine
In a shoebox the other night

Source: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/chrisyoung/theshoebox.html

The Wonder of You

Today I received some terrible news. My beloved dog Viggo had passed away last night. I cannot believe it. He was the most joyful boy. I have no words to describe how much I love him and now I will never get to see him again. It's hard when you're at home when this happens, but it's even harder to be so far away. I haven't had the chance to tell him how much I love him. I'm finding it really hard to believe this really happened and that it's not some kind of bad dream I'm not waking up from. I haven't had the chance to say a proper goodbye. I find some consolation in the fact that I saw just a glimpse of his face on skype last week, but it doesn't make the pain any less. I'm having a hard time now, here in Kos, but I guess I'm only going to realize he's not there anymore when I get home.

My dear boy, wherever you are, I hope you know how much I love you even while I wasn't there to comfort you when you sighed your last breath. I hope that my other two loved ones, Pasha and Dzilla, will help you find your way across the rainbow bridge and that they will guide you through heaven. Because I'm sure that's where you are looking down on me and helping me find a way to place this. Believe me when I say I have never had a better friend than you were. I missed you so damn much out here in Kos and I was so looking forward to seeing you at the airport when I got home in one of the next weeks. Now I'm only missing you even more and now I know I will never have the chance to hold you in my arms again.

I hope they serve pasta in dog heaven, because I know you love that so much. Eat lots and lots of it and do it out of a golden scale, because that's only what you deserve. You are still my golden boy and you will be forever. I love you.
When I was sick you were there to give me some consolation, you wouldn't go one step away from me to make sure I was alright. When one of the girls or the cat was sick, you would do anything to be close to them to help them through. That is the wonder of you.
I love you, Viggo, forever and ever. You have my blessing to go over the rainbow bridge and rest in peace. I love you, I will never ever forget you. The wonder of you will always be in my heart. 

I love you, my best friend. Big kiss! 

I think this song describes exactly how I feel about my boy. 

"When no one else can understand me
When everything I do is wrong
You give me hope and consolation
You give me strength to carry on
and you're always there to lend a hand
in everything I do
That's the wonder, the wonder of you

And when you smile the world is brighter
You touch my hand and I am a king
Your love to me is worth a fortune
Your love for me is everything
I guess, I'll never know the reason why
You love as you do
'cause, that's the wonder, the wonder of you

I guess, I'll never know the reason why
You love me as you do
'Cause that's the wonder, the wonder of you" - Elvis Presley, The wonder of you.

A teardrop and a smile

Dear readers,

I have an announcement to make. Most of you will already have heard about it, but still...
I quit my job at FLIR to go work for Thomas Cook.

Teardrop

Last Friday was my last day at FLIR, I had a wonderful time over there and I learnt a lot. I had the most wonderful colleagues for whom I'm very thankful. I tried to hold my tears, but I couldn't, I did shed a teardrop. On the way home: lots... :s Made me doubt wether I was doing the right thing...
Now I believe I did do the right thing. I will definitely miss working at FLIR and of course I will miss my colleagues! Thanks to all virtual technology we will definitely keep in touch.

Smile

Now on to the new job: I will be a Thomas Cook-representative in Kos, Greece. I will fly out on Saturday, 8th and I will only come back to, by then probably, freezing Belgium in October/November.
I'm really excited about all this and I'm really grateful for this opportunity. SMILE!
I will of course keep you up-to-date about my whereabouts. ;)

For now I want to end with this quote and lovely song: "To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." - Anatole France (via brainyquotes.com)

Mariah Carey ft. Whitney Houston - When you believe (via YouTube)

"There can be miracles
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe" 

(via songteksten.nl)

You're the one that I want

We all know it, we all sing along with it, we all want to sing it to that one person...
Don't we? ;)

Now, for me the one that I want makes me wait a little long to sing it to him, but okay, that's only fair, I just have to wait for him to cross my path. ;)
I'm used to waiting...
But what if you truly love someone with all you have, don't you just want to go out and tell everyone about him/her? Even a total stranger? It's what love can do. It's that strong!

Unfortunately lately I hear a lot of sad messages about break-ups, divorces, leaving a pregnant girl all by herself... That's something I will never understand. In my group of friends we're all pretty strong in what we believe in, we believe in love, in making up, in having a fight and then kiss and make up. Not just break-up over every single thing and have an on/off-relationship...
What I actually want to say is that this song, You're the one that I want, leaves us this message. You're not the one that I want and leave you as soon as things get though. You're the one that I want and the one I want to fight for. That's what we all should keep in mind. It's too easy to cash out once it gets a little bit more complicated.

Fight for love, people, it's the most important thing! :)

Porsche Music Night

Hi everyone!

I know it's a long time since I've written something here and a lot as happened since. But I'll update you on that at a more convenient time.
For now I want to write you a review of a series of events at Porsche Music Night in Stuttgart!

A long drive to Stuttgart, but it was worth every inch of it. Seriously!

We arrived at our very fancy hotel, the Hilton Garden Inn in between the Porsche Arena and the Mercedes - Benz Arena, in front of the Mercedes factory and Museum. This museum, by the way, is also worth a visit! It's beautiful and it will make you appreciate Mercedes even more. :)

Okay, now back to business and what I actually wanted to write.

We arrived at our fancy pants hotel. All personnel was extremely friendly and helpful. I've never experienced such a good treatment in a hotel, and believe me, I've already been in a few hotels here and there! ;)
After we dropped all our luggage in our room, we wanted to explore the beautiful hotel. On our way to the Wellness area we passed a man in bathrobe and slippers. From far it was kind of a funny view, but when he came closer we thought it might be the best guitarist in the whole world, Lars from The Baseballs. We didn't know for sure so we didn't say anything. He had a beard and when we saw him before he never did, so we weren't sure. Okay. So we left it at that. We thought it might've been him, but we weren't sure. We weren't sure.... We weren't... Until we took the elevator and the 'man-in-bathrobe-now-in-jeans' took the elevator with us. He actually kind of saved my brother from being stuck between the doors of the elevator. We left the elevator and still: we were not sure.
We decided so wait and see if Lars had a beard on stage and then we would be sure. So we got all dressed up for a fancy night out and we tried not to think about it anymore.
We had nice food and drinks at Porsche Music Night and then the first artists appeared on stage: The Rattles. An rock 'n' roll band existing of three elderly men, but no doubt they could sing! They really opened the Music Night very well.

And then it was time: my favorite band of all times would be on stage: The Baseballs. Unfortunately without Sam who has back problems and has to rest. Nevertheless, it was a great performance. 

And of course you all wanted to know if the 'man-in-bathrobe' was my favorite guitarist... 

And YES it was him. We felt soooo weird afterwards. He had this grin in the elevator like he knew we should've recognized him (we've been to many concerts before and we always try to be well in front, and once he heard me say that I thought he was pretty handsome, so yes, I know...). 

Well, through this message, I want to tell Lars how sorry I am I didn't dare asking him if it were really him.... Next time I will! ;) 

Lars... 

The Baseballs

Basti

Two instead of three Baseballs: Basti & Digger

Basti

Basti & Digger

Klaas

Digger - Lars - Basti

Digger

After The Baseballs it was time for Umberto Tozzi. I have to say that I expected more from an artist like him, but nonetheless his performance was okay. The saxophonist was incredibly good and that made Umberto's performance a lot better.

Umberto Tozzi

Famous for her hit '99 Luftballons' in Belgium, but still famous and more popular than ever: Nena. Incredible woman with an incredible voice. She rocked the stage. Making pictures of her was prohibited, but one clandestine photograph never killed anyone, so my brother took this one:

Nena

They were announced as a tribute band to Queen and Freddie Mercury, but The Queen Kings are much more than that. They're amazing artists who pay huge respect to Queen and Freddie, but they have their own way and that's what's so great about this band. If you ever have the chance to see them live, please do so, you won't regret it! Mark my words!

The Queen Kings

The morning after the Porsche Music Night we saw a few members of The Rattles and The Queen Kings and also Klaas, the best bassist in the world and of course member of our favorite band, The Baseballs! :)
We had a little chat (okay, my mum actually talked to him, because of course I was way too chicken)and gave him some Belgian chocolates to share with the band. He was really really nice and he has the most beautiful voice. I was really stunned. :) You always pay attention to the singers' voices, so I never heard how beautiful his voice was. ;)
Klaas, I hope you returned home safe and sound and I hope to see you soon again. It was really nice meeting you. :)

Klaas

And as all fun stories come to an end so did this one... We returned home and all we have left is a lot of pictures and good memories...

To end this blog I still want you to meet The Queen Kings:

Video not owned by me: via youtube.com: Scaramouche15

Enjoy!

Talk to you again real soon, promised! :) 

P.S.: I've noticed that when I publish this message some of the words have links under it, this is not my intention and I don't know what that's happening. Please ignore these links. 

Ever wanted to bang your head against the wall?

Well, I have...
Especially the last few days since my trigeminal neuralgia is completely out of control....

If you're not familiar with trigeminal neuralgia I'll explain a bit what it feels like. Like a burning match is held closely to your face, like thousands of needles are stuck in your face, like a toothache that won't just pass by, like your eye is about to burst, and I can go on and on and on about it.
It's really painful and it get's you completely out of focus. Even laughing, eating, brushing my teeth and speaking hurt...
Some doctors say it's like a combination of migraines and epilepsy.

Monday I went back to my general physician, because I couldn't bare the pain any longer. He gave me the 'bad' pills, like I like to call them, there's some evil written on the leaflet, and of course that worked like a charm: knocked out for the next 48 hours. But seriously knocked out, sleeping, eating, sleeping, drinking, sleeping, eating, sleeping, watch some tv, sleeping again. And so it went on and on.

Tuesday I went to see my neurologist who could only tell me that he didn't see on the scan that the nerve was damaged which was good news, because that could lead to other very bad diseases as MS and stuff. No tumors, brain is okay. Now then that means the trigeminal neuralgia doesn't really has a cause, which apparently happens more often to young women. I got a new type of medication, Orap Forte, and that is meant to be very good for the pains caused by the tn. Also this pill knocked me out, but less severe than the other did. I feel a bit shaky and all, but I guess that will pass by (or at least I hope so).

Now we're Wednesday already and I haven't gone to work at all this week, which makes me feel pretty guilty for those who have to cover for me. Doctor gave me a whole week of sick leave, because the medication gets me really out of concentration. It wouldn't be wise to drive a car or sit behind a computer for the whole day. This blog in fact is my first time behind the computer for longer then sending an e-mail to my boss since Saturday.

I actually hope to raise some kind of awareness with this blog, because not everyone wants to understand this disease and the pain it causes.

Thanks for reading.



P.S.: If you want to learn more: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001751/