Machteloosheid / Powerlessness

(English version below)

Ik had me voorgenomen me niet te laten verleiden om over het onderwerp iets te schrijven, maar met wat ik vanuit mijn eigen familie nu gewaar word, kan ik niet meer anders dan toch iets schrijven...

Vluchtelingencrisis... 

Mensen die vluchten voor oorlog in hun land.

Mensen die hun land verlaten om een beter leven te kunnen leiden. 

Mensen die het verdienen om ergens anders een tweede kans te krijgen. 

Allemaal waar, maar als ik dan verhalen hoor op het nieuws: een Iraakse jongeman van vooraan in de dertig 'Ik moest mijn vrouw en drie kinderen achterlaten om te kunnen vluchten.' Andere mannen die de oversteek alleen maken en vrouw, kinderen, moeder, vader, hele familie achterlaten om op zichzelf een nieuw leven te starten... 

Ik vraag me af hoe het de vrouw en kinderen van 'mannen' vergaat. Ik vrees niet zo heel erg goed, als ik lees over verkrachtingen die ginder nu schering en inslag zijn. 

Begrijp me alstublieft niet verkeerd, ik vind dat we mensen die vluchten voor oorlog moeten helpen en hen onderdak geven. Ik heb zelf vrijwilligerswerk gedaan in het asielcentrum Fedasil in Ekeren, nu in Kapellen. Ik breng er, samen met de familie, vaak genoeg kleding en speelgoed naartoe. 

Maar laat aub gezinnen voorgaan. Laat hen de prioriteit krijgen. Zij zijn hier met reden, over de alleenstaande jongemannen (en dat zijn er heeeeel erg veel) heb ik dan weer zo mijn twijfels.

Vluchtelingen krijgen geld om te overleven. Niet meer dan normaal. Ze krijgen gratis/goedkoop onderdak. Helemaal normaal, helemaal mee eens. 

Begin deze week kreeg ik een klap in m'n gezicht. 

Mijn groottante, een moedige, kranige vrouw van eind de zestig, krijgt geen pensioen... 

Ze is getrouwd geweest met een Iraanse kapitein. Ze is hem naar Iran gevolgd en heeft twee kinderen met hem. Ze had een goed leven met hem, tot Khomeini aan de macht kwam en er burgeroorlog was. Haar echtgenoot volgde Khomeini. Zij wilde zich niet aansluiten. Ze heeft uiteindelijk eerst gezorgd dat haar kinderen al terug naar België konden komen. Ze gaf hen wat geld en liet hen naar België overkomen. Daarna is het haar zelf ook gelukt te vluchten voor de oorlog en tiranie in Iran. Ze was ook liever getrouwd gebleven met haar knappe, Iraanse kapitein, tot hij werd gebrainwashed (met gebrek aan een ander woord) door Khomeini... 

Lieve Belgische regering, ook ZIJ is vluchteling en ze is op de koop toe ook nog eens Belgische... 

De reden waarom ze geen pensioensuitkering krijgt, is dat ze niet lang genoeg gewerkt heeft. Ze kan maar werk aantonen van 15 jaar. Dat zijn de jaren nadat ze uit Iran is teruggekeerd/gevlucht. 

Excuseer, maar daar kan ik dus niet bij. Onze hele familie niet. Dit voelt heel bitter aan als je ziet hoe er hoog en laag gezocht wordt naar opvang en beter eten (!) in de opvangtehuizen. 

Mijn groottante is nu verplicht te blijven werken tot ze erbij neervalt, letterlijk... Dit is de grootste oneerlijkheid die er bestaat. Het maakt me heel erg verdrietig en gefrustreerd. Mijn groottante heeft heel wat meegemaakt in haar leven en nu pest de regering haar hier ook nog eens mee. Ik kan er niet bij. Ik begrijp dat als mensen niet (lang) genoeg gewerkt hebben, er geen riant pensioen voorhanden zal zijn, maar helemaal niks? Met haar achtergrond? Met haar verleden? Nee, dat gaat er niet goed in.

Kunnen we humaan meeleven met alle vluchtelingen, dan moeten we dat ook kunnen met onze eigen bevolking, met onze mensen die het ook niet gemakkelijk hebben. Check hun verleden, hun achtergrond en maak dan een gegronde beslissing over wat en hoe die mensen ook geholpen kunnen worden. Als we dat voor duizenden vluchtelingen kunnen, moeten we dat ook voor onze duizenden hulpbehoevenden kunnen doen. 

Nogmaals, begrijp me niet verkeerd, we moeten iedereen die het moeilijk heeft kunnen helpen, maar we moeten ook weten waar de grens ligt en die is op dit moment, naar mijn oordeel, ver zoek... 

Heal the world by Michael Jackson (via Youtube)

****************

I'd always said I wouldn't get tempted to write something on this subject, but now I feel I no longer have a choice and I have to write it off. 

Refugee crisis... 

People fleeing the war in their country.

People leaving their country to get a better life somewhere else.

People who deserve getting a second chance in life. 

I completely agree with all these statements. Last week I heard a story on the news from an Iraqi guy in his thirties 'I had to leave my wife and children behind to be able to flee.'Other men too, who leave their wifes, children, mothers, fathers and family to start a new life somewhere else. I wonder what's going on with the wifes and children of these 'men', when all I hear is that rape seems to be the normal way of life over there now... I fear the worst for these women and children. 

Please don't get me wring, I think we should help refugees and give them shelter. I, myself, volunteered in one of the asylum centers nearby my home. Together with my family I donate clothes and toys often enough.

What I think is the priority, is to give those who fled as a family, a warm place to stay as soon as possible. They are here for a reason, as a family. Those who fled on their own, all the young men ( and it's a lot of them) make me doubt about their sincerity. 

Refugees get money and a free/cheap place to stay. That's very very normal and the morally good thing to do. 

But at the beginning of this week, I got a slap in the face... 

My great-aunt, a brave, dashy woman in her sixties, doesn't get a pension! 

She was married to an Iranian captain. She followed him to Iran and has two children with him. She had a good life with him. That was until Khomeini got the power and civil war broke out. Her husband followed everything Khomeini dictated. She wasn't keen. She eventually arranged for her children to come back to Belgium. Afterwards she also succeeded to flee from tyranny and came back to Belgium as well. She would have preferred to stay married to her handsome captain, but not after he got brainwashed (with lack of another word) by Khomeini... 

Dear Belgian government, SHE's also a refugee and she's Belgian for God's sake... 

The official reason for what she won't get a retirement fund, is that she didn't work long enough to evoke this right. She can only show work for 15 years, the years after she'd fled from Iran. 

Excuse me for not getting this. Our entire family doesn't get this. It feels bittersweet to see people running here and there to get more space for refugees, to get them better (!) food in the asylum centers. 

My great-aunt is now obliged to work until she breaks, literally... It's the biggest unfairness that exists. It makes me sad and frustrated. My great-aunt lived through horrible stuff and now our government, who normally has to have our best interest at heart, leaves her out in the cold. I don't get it. I understand that if people haven't work (long) enough, they won't get a big pension, but absolutely nothing? With her background? With her history? No, I don't get it. If we can have sympathy with all the refugees, then we  have to have it for our own less fortunate citizens as well. Check their past, their background and make a thorough decision about how and with what these people can be helped. If we can do it for thousands of refugees, then we can do that for thousands of our citizens as well. 

Again, please, don't get me wrong, we have to help everyone who is less fortunate, but we have to know the limits, and right now, I have the feeling, the limit is lost and we're a sinking ship without captain. 

God must be busy by Brooks & Dunn (via Youtube)

Getting older...

Day by day we're getting older. 

Bit by bit our bodies deteriorate... 

It's not only true for human beings, it's the truth for all mammals. 

As babies, people are the most helpless creatures of mammals. But babies, puppies, kittens, cubs,... all need their mothers to bring them up, give them the nutrition they need and basically just to love them. 

Lately I've seen the other side of things. I have an old dog at home and a grandma in a nursing home. My Grandma couldn't be happier where she is, but what she's saying or doing just doesn't make any sense anymore. I love her to bits, but Alzheimer's got the best of her now. She's no longer the strong woman I looked up to when I was a kid (actually still do). She was such a powerful soul. She raised three daughters on her own. All three turned out to be wonderful people and mothers as well. Soon after daughter number 3 was out of the house, she met her husband. He's a wonderful man and took care of her in their home for as long as he could. Until last year, when it got too much for him to bear. He felt like admitting defeat at the time, but he realizes now that my grandma is better off in the nursing home. Where amazing people provide care 24/7. 

My Grandma is 79 years old. She's not always up to speed with what's happening around her, but when we walk in the room to visit her, her face lights up. She will not say our names, but she knows we're 'her people'. 

My grandma and me

My first example of what getting older means and does to us. 

At the beginning of this article I told you I have an old dog at home as well. She's an almost-9-year-old Newfoundland dog. She's getting slower. It seems like she's not always there when you're calling her name. Just when you get very close to her, she'll notice you were calling her. Lately she's had quite a bit of health issues: an urgent hysterectomy at the beginning of the year, diarrhea, hot spots,... 

Recently she's had episodes of bleeding in her mouth. We thought at first she and her daughter had bumped into each other, but now we noticed she gets bleedings every time she eats. 

We decided to make the food a little softer to chew by adding some soup or water to it. Just like you do with little puppies that start to eat chunks. It seems as if this is working so far. The vet didn't find any wounds in her mouth, so we think it'll be her teeth that can no longer chew hard chunks. We'll try this as long as possible just so she will eat. 

Mona and me

Getting older is also getting wiser. From day to day experiences we learn something new every day. 

I think below quote is quite accurate... 

George Michael - Older (via Youtube)

Remember to keep caring for older people and animals. Your reward is their eternal love. 

Hugs, 

Xana

If I were a boy...

Hi everyone!


Sorry I haven't been able to write as much as I wanted to, but this is too important to not share!

Preliminary
So, I have this new Jeep Renegade since December. It had trouble with the software somewhere in February, nothing too weird, garage fixed it quite fast. A few weeks back I got a letter that they've detected a software issue in all the new Renegade models, so there was an update available that I had to get done. So far, so good. I made the appointment and last Tuesday they did the update. When I drove back home (it's about 30 km), the Start/stop system didn't work. On Wednesday it still didn't work, so I called them. They told me that it could happen that it took a few DAYS to get settled. I didn't really believe it, but okay. Since Thursday and Friday were national holiday, I couldn't call them back before this morning. I drove about 500 km in those 5 days, so normally at least once the start/stop should've worked, but nothing. This morning I called, they say there might be a problem. 'Oh really??' was my first thought. The guy who does the software stuff was only going to be there until 4... I work from 7:45AM until 4:20PM normally, so I had to take half a day off to go there. It's an hour drive from my work to there, so...

If I were a boy
I got there at 3, so in time. I explained the problem again, told them I'd already called twice.
First question these guys ask me: was the system activated? I mean SERIOUSLY????? I don't think you'd have asked me that if I were a guy! Second: did you change air conditioning settings? No and again, if I were a boy, you wouldn't dare asking me that question. Third: were your lights on? I always have them on the automatic, so not the whole time. And really? It doesn't work when the lights are on??? If I were a boy, I don't think I would've been nice still.
Then they tried it. 'No, it's not working'   Well, you don't say...

Humiliation
I don't think I've ever been so humiliated in my entire life. Just because I'm a woman, they thought they could just fix it in 5 minutes, because they thought it was probably something I didn't do right. Both with grins on their faces, that,if I were a boy, I would've punched right off! Steam was coming out of my ears by then. I know they don't know me, but by everything I explained to them I had already tried, they should've known that I know a little more about cars than the average girl. Not that I think any woman should be treated this way, because they were just plane rude. Instead of just trying to fix it, they laughed and told me to come back next week... Sure, I have nothing else to do. I don't have job to pay for rent and food!

Feminism
I don't think of myself as a feminist, because I think it's an ugly word, but maybe it's still not what it's supposed to be in this world: equality. We're all born the same way: our moms give birth to us. No one comes in to this world differently. Wether you're a boy or a girl, you are born that way and no other. You are unique, but we are all the same; we're the same species, we're all equal. It shouldn't matter in the way we treat others, if it is a boy or a girl. It doesn't to me anyway, but apparently to some it still does. I know in the world of garage men, they ought to be tough and cool and stuff, but still they should treat their customer right. No one would've appreciated the way they talked to me with their idiotic grins on their faces.

I hope one day, probably in a faraway future, we will all be able to get along without any exception in race, culture, colour, sex, religion, ... The world would be a better place. People can dream, can't they?

Beyoncé -  If I were a boy (on YouTube)

Little victories

Hi guys,

Sorry it's been so long since I've written something here, but now I have a good reason to do so.
You all know that I have this thing called trigeminal neuralgia and that I've been on medication for that for a little over 2 years now. Well, since December I've been pain free (first little victory) and that means I can start reducing the medication (second little victory)! I started reducing last week Sunday, Feb. 23rd. A few days later my left ear started to hurt again. The nerve is situated a little underneath the ear, so I thought I was going to have fits again. Yesterday I gathered up all my courage and went to my GP. I told him I was hoping to have otitis and yes, he confirmed me it is otitis (little victory number 3). I seriously have never been happier with otitis. Okay, it hurts a bit and with the drops it feels like my head is under water the whole time, but hey, that nothing compared to the pain of the trigeminal neuralgia fits!!! I feel like I could take on the world right now! :)
Now my GP made a whole 'reducing plan' for the next few months and I sure hope that will work out! Since I'll be in Sicily from March 26th until September 30th it will be quite the challenge to keep the reducing plan working, but I have faith in it and I have to believe it'll go well. Please keep your fingers crossed!

Randy Houser - Top of the world (from YouTube)

 

A thing or two about bullying

Dear readers,

Recently I have discovered how bad bullying can affect someone's life. Well, I have never been bullied, so I have absolutely no idea what it feels like. And honestly, I have something very obvious that people can make fun of. I have a birthmark shaped as a cross on my forehead. Something more obvious is yet to be found, I think. Anyway, just saying, I don't know what it must be like.
My brother has been bullied for almost his whole life for a nasal voice... I don't think he has a funny voice and neither does anyone in the family. So now I'm actually writing this blog for him.
I think bullies are the one's with weaker personalities, they have to find something in someone else to make them feel alive, to prove a point. Isn't that sad? Isn't that the saddest thing you've ever heard? Having a strange, weird, funny, whatever voice, haircut, nose, ear, arm, leg, whatever, is not so sad as having a very weak personality.
Now, I have a quite strong personality, I think and I'm not going to lie, when I was just a little kid I have let me in with the bullies. I never bullied anyone myself, but I did walk along with those who did. For which I'm very very sorry and I know that was weak. When I grew up I understood that bullying really hurts the bullied.
My borther, now 22, is still wearing the scars of what was once told him. It's been almost 4 years now since he graduated. In high school the bullying got so bad that he had to leave school and study from home. It hurt him so bad that he even thought of comitting suicide. I knew back them that he had have these thoughts. I thought now he had moved on from the bullying, but apparently it leaves scars that never really heal. The slightest little spark can bring this feeling back. It hurts me very much that there's nothing I can really do, except from trying to talk to him. What I want to do is kick all those bullies in the guts, but that's not allowed. I'd wish I could go back to middle school and teach those guys a lesson. Let's face it, that's what big sisters are for, but apparently it never dawned on me back then. I'd wish I could learn my brother to be more proud of himself for what he is and not what he might sound like, because who cares??? My borther is a tall, handsome, very sweet guy and he deserves so much more than feeling miserable for what someone once told him and lingered. I'd wish I had some kind of magical power to make him see himself the way we do. Now he only sees what those guys way back then told him and that's not right. I'd wish I could give him some of my self confidence. I have more than enough, maybe even too much.
My brother, if you're reading this, I'm writing it all down, because I think that's the only way you might want to listen to me. Please don't do anything I wouldn't do. Please take a close look in the mirror and see yourself as a handsome young man full of life with the world ahead. I'm right there with you and I hope that you know that if you ever need me, I'll be there.

Bullying will never be banned out of this cruel world, but maybe everyone who reads this can start to make the world just that little bit better.

Thanks for reading.

 

Rehab

Hi guys,

Sorry it took me so long to write something here. I've been back in Belgium for a couple of weeks now and I'm still 'in rehab'. For one reason or another it's more difficult than I thought it would be. For instance I find the traffic here very very very busy in comparison to the traffic in Kos. Okay, in Greece people drive like mad men, but here it's soooo crowded. I feel like I never have enough space and I'm always in the way. It takes me a long time to get used to that again, but anyways now I can drive a 'real' car again, my lovely Jeep Wrangler.
Enough about traffic and cars, let's talk about real life. It takes a while to get used to the rhythm of home again. It still hurts that my wonderful dog, Viggo, isn't around anymore. Somehow I still one him to walk trough the door and all is back to normal. Especially the first 2-3 days it was very hard. Now it's getting easier, but I just keep thinking that I needed to be there for him when he wasn't feeling well... It came as a shock when I was still in Greece, but the shock was twice as hard when I got home, as I also thought it would be. Anyway, I'm still grieving and things will get better, but it will never be like it was before... I realize that now.
When I was in Greece I was working 6/7 and almost 10h a day. Now I'm back to doing absolutely nothing. Which is fun for a while, but it gets boring really easily. In December that will change, because I got offered a job at FLIR, so my old job. I'm going back there to replace my dear colleague who's responsible for Germany. So yes, I'll have to speak some German out there! ;) Good thing I have some time now to practice my German skills a little bit. I'm really excited and looking forward to it.
December 4, I will finally know where I'm headed next summer season. So I will work with FLIR until I have to leave for my next Thomas Cook destination. That's another thing I'm looking forward to!!! I so hope I can go to Italy!! Pray for me! ;)
After that next summer destination I will have to chose what to do with my life. I'm pretty sure I won't stay in Belgium. I have to, no, need to explore the rest of the world. The world is too big to stay just in one spot. I have a 'travel-bug' (most likely inherited that from my mum) and that bug needs some loving. ;) No, seriously, I have to look for a job somewhere around the globe and I'm pretty sure I'm going to find it. All it takes is some courage and a suitcase.
Don't get me wrong here, I would still miss my mum, brother, family and friends like crazy, but there are so many things to help us keep in touch and, come on, planes aren't invented to stay on the ground. :) I will definitely keep you posted on my whereabouts on time and in the meantime you can find me in Belgium.

To close of this blog I would like to share a song that really made me think about the decisions I have to make next year. My 'shoebox' is a large, beautiful white basket and all my memories are in there. Enjoy this beautiful song by Chris Young:

Lyrics: 

I stumbled on a bunch of junk of mine
In a shoebox the other night
In between cleaning up files and messes
That I'd made of my life

Ticket stubs, poems and old letters
I dumped them all out on the bed
Found a homemade birthday card from mom
And this is what it said, yeah, this is what it said

Don't forget the little moments
They're the ones that mean the most
When the way home seems so far away
Take 'em out and hold them close

And take a picture with your father
'Cause one day he'll be gone
And don't forget to fill an old shoebox
Full of things to look back on, full of things to look back on

I opened up my grandpa's pocket knife
And I was back to his back porch
It was summertime I was turnin' nine
He said, "You want that knife? It's yours"

I remember runnin' off in the yard
Carved my name in every tree
I haven't held it since he passed away
And it meant the world to me
Because he meant the world to me

Don't forget the little moments
They're the ones that mean the most
When the way home seems so far away
Take 'em out and hold them close
And take a picture with your father
'Cause one day he'll be gone
And don't forget to fill an old shoebox
Full of things to look back on

Look back on, a little window to the past
Look back on, God knows life goes by so fast
If ever you should ever doubt the blessings that you've had

Don't forget the little moments
They're the ones that mean the most
When the way home seems so far away
Take 'em out and hold them close

And take a picture with your father
'Cause one day he'll be gone
And don't forget to fill an old shoebox
Full of things to look back on

I stumbled on a bunch of junk of mine
In a shoebox the other night

Source: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/chrisyoung/theshoebox.html

The Wonder of You

Today I received some terrible news. My beloved dog Viggo had passed away last night. I cannot believe it. He was the most joyful boy. I have no words to describe how much I love him and now I will never get to see him again. It's hard when you're at home when this happens, but it's even harder to be so far away. I haven't had the chance to tell him how much I love him. I'm finding it really hard to believe this really happened and that it's not some kind of bad dream I'm not waking up from. I haven't had the chance to say a proper goodbye. I find some consolation in the fact that I saw just a glimpse of his face on skype last week, but it doesn't make the pain any less. I'm having a hard time now, here in Kos, but I guess I'm only going to realize he's not there anymore when I get home.

My dear boy, wherever you are, I hope you know how much I love you even while I wasn't there to comfort you when you sighed your last breath. I hope that my other two loved ones, Pasha and Dzilla, will help you find your way across the rainbow bridge and that they will guide you through heaven. Because I'm sure that's where you are looking down on me and helping me find a way to place this. Believe me when I say I have never had a better friend than you were. I missed you so damn much out here in Kos and I was so looking forward to seeing you at the airport when I got home in one of the next weeks. Now I'm only missing you even more and now I know I will never have the chance to hold you in my arms again.

I hope they serve pasta in dog heaven, because I know you love that so much. Eat lots and lots of it and do it out of a golden scale, because that's only what you deserve. You are still my golden boy and you will be forever. I love you.
When I was sick you were there to give me some consolation, you wouldn't go one step away from me to make sure I was alright. When one of the girls or the cat was sick, you would do anything to be close to them to help them through. That is the wonder of you.
I love you, Viggo, forever and ever. You have my blessing to go over the rainbow bridge and rest in peace. I love you, I will never ever forget you. The wonder of you will always be in my heart. 

I love you, my best friend. Big kiss! 

I think this song describes exactly how I feel about my boy. 

"When no one else can understand me
When everything I do is wrong
You give me hope and consolation
You give me strength to carry on
and you're always there to lend a hand
in everything I do
That's the wonder, the wonder of you

And when you smile the world is brighter
You touch my hand and I am a king
Your love to me is worth a fortune
Your love for me is everything
I guess, I'll never know the reason why
You love as you do
'cause, that's the wonder, the wonder of you

I guess, I'll never know the reason why
You love me as you do
'Cause that's the wonder, the wonder of you" - Elvis Presley, The wonder of you.